Unleashing God's Truth, One Verse at a Time

God's Pattern for Wives, Part 2

Ephesians 5:22

Code: 1945

We continue tonight in our study of the Word of God with regard to marriage and the family.  You might want to open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 5 and we’ll touch base again with our text.  Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 24.  “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”  God here very clearly calls the wife to submit to her husband.  That is God’s design for her blessing, for his blessing, the blessing of their children, the blessing of the church. 

It is imperative that women understand this crucial responsibility.  But most women today do not.  In a wonderful expression of understanding this, Laura Miller has written the following, “I was created to be a helpmeet.  That was the stated purpose in Genesis 2:18 when God gave woman to man, to rid man of his loneliness, and to be a helper to him.  Just as I most perfectly fulfill my purpose as a human when I am glorifying and enjoying God, when I am being a helpmeet, I am most perfectly fulfilling my purpose as a woman.  By being a helper, I am not a lesser person than my husband.  My femaleness certainly does not hinder God in His sovereign design to call me to Himself, nor does it bind me to a lesser relationship with Him.  Indeed, Scripture demonstrates that God did not consider my gender when He saved me, for there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  In His placing me within the economic hierarchy of the church family, my womanhood was inherently involved in the calling.  But in His choosing me to receive His call, being a woman was incidental.” 

Well said.  And such a clear sense of identity is frankly rejected by many women in the church today as well as being misunderstood by them.  They fail to understand the difference between what they are in the Kingdom and what they are in the family.  They fail to submit to the purpose of God uniquely designed for them.

Now, a good place to start tonight to readdress the role of women is to begin where we ended last time.  Turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 31.  I made some comments on Proverbs 31 last Sunday night and a number of you came to me and asked for further comment, and I’ll do that tonight.  Have you looked through any old magazines lately?  Do you ever do that?  I mean, the kind you see in old bookstores or the kind for some reason or another have hanging around in a closet somewhere or in the attic?  Have you noted how women used to be portrayed?  A mother rocking a baby, a woman cooking dinner, a woman reading a story to her children, does that sound foreign?  And when you look at women today portrayed in magazines, what do you see?  A woman with a briefcase sailing down a crowded street headed to work.  A woman in tights doing aerobics.  A woman in a skimpy bathing suit half-exposed doing nothing but generating trouble.

What kind of woman is the prototype of the ‘90s woman?  What is the modern super-woman supposed to be?  Maybe something like this: she works, builds her own career, demands equal pay, refuses to submit to her husband, demanding equality with him in everything, has an affair or two, and a divorce or two.  She exercises her independence, relies on her own resources, doesn’t want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals, has her own bank account.  She hires a maid or a cleaning service, eats out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without them, makes cold cereal and coffee, the standard breakfast for her family, quick frozen meals usual dinner fare, or she calls Domino’s Pizza, expects her husband to do his share of the housework.  She is tanned, coiffured, aerobicized, into body-building shape, shops to keep up with the fashion trends, makes sure she can compete in the attention-getting contest, puts the kids in a day care center, makes sure each has a TV in his room, or a radio, or a CD player so they can be entertained.  She is opinionated, demanding, wants to be heard, eager to fulfill all of her personal goals.

That is the modern woman of the ‘90s that is applauded by the culture.  She can’t stay married, or for that matter happy, and her kids get into trouble, and sometimes drugs.  She’s far from the woman God has called the excellent woman.

Let me remind you of the excellent woman, according to God.  Look at verse 10, Proverbs 31, “An excellent woman who can find her worth is far above jewels, the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.  She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.  She’s like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.  She also rises while it is night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.  She considers a field and buys it.  From her earnings she plants a vineyard and girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.  She senses that her gain is good.  Her lamp doesn’t go out at night.  She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her hands grasp the spindle,” meaning she’s weaving.  “She extends her hand to the poor and stretches out her hands to the needy.  She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.  She makes coverings for herself.  Her clothing is fine linen and purple.  Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.  She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies belts to the tradesmen.  Strength and dignity are her clothing.  She smiles at the future.  She opens her mouth in wisdom.  And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  She looks well to the ways of her household and doesn’t eat the bread of idleness.  Her children rise up and bless her, her husband also, and he praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.  Give her the product of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.”

This is the woman that God extols.  And by the way, in Proverbs earlier, there are other women described.  There is described an adulteress who flatters with her lips.  There is described an adulteress who forsakes her own husband and breaks her covenant.  There is described an adulteress whose lips drip honey.  There is described a smooth-tongued adulteress who hunts for the precious life of a man only to destroy it.  There is also described in Proverbs the noisy woman, the foolish woman, the rebellious woman, the quarrelsome woman and a few other assorted kinds.  But finally when you get to Proverbs 31, you get the excellent woman.

Now, this whole section, by the way, is from a Jewish mother to her son on how to pick a wife.  That’s the whole section.  In fact, look back at verse 1.  “The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him.”  Now, this is all about what a mother needs to teach her son.  And in verses 1 and 2, “What, O my son, and what, O son of my womb, and what, O son of my vows.”  In other words, what do you want to know?  “Do not give your strength to women or your ways to that which destroys kings.”  What does that mean?  Stay away from sexual immorality.  That’s the first important lesson that this mother teaches her son.  We don’t know anything about the mother of Lemuel, but she taught him to stay away from sexual immorality.

And then, in verse 4, “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers to desire strong drink, lest they drink and forget what is decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.  Give him strong drink who is perishing and wine to him whose life is bitter.  Let him drink and forget his poverty and remember his trouble no more.”  The first thing is to stay away from sexual immorality, and the second is to stay away from alcohol.  Further, verse 8, “Open your mouth for the dumb and for the rights of all the unfortunate, open your mouth, judge righteously and defend the rights of the afflicted and the needy.”

Pretty good lessons.  Stay away from sexual immorality.  Stay away from drugs and alcohol.  Take care of hurting people.  Defend those who can’t defend themselves.  Stand by the oppressed.  Support the needy and deal justly with everybody.  That’s the first wave of lessons.  And then, in verse 10 comes the major lesson, “Most of all, son, find yourself a good wife.”  Most of all.  And the woman described here is a priceless value.  It’s not any particular woman in mind; it’s the model woman here.  She has physical, mental, moral and spiritual strength.  She loves God reverently and her husband as well. 

And in verses 10 through 31, the mother of Lemuel describes the perfect woman.  She describes her character as a wife, her character as a homemaker, her generosity as a neighbor, her influence as a teacher, her effectiveness as a mother, and her excellence as a person.  And by the way, starting in verse 10 and going down to verse 31, the song of the excellent wife is a Hebrew acrostic.  Each of those 22 verses begins with the letters of the Hebrew alphabet in their normal order: aleph, beth, gimel, daleth, and so forth.  It is an acrostic brilliantly conceived by the mind of God to describe the perfect woman.  This is, as I said, no one woman in particular but the full-length portrait of what every woman should seek to become and the wife that every man would desire to have.

This woman is for her husband a gift from God.  To find this woman is to find a priceless treasure.  Back in chapter 19 verse 14, Proverbs says, “A prudent wife, or a wise wife, is from the Lord.”  You can get your house and your wealth as an inheritance from your father, but your wife is from the Lord.  Matthew Henry, the old commentator said, “This is the mirror for all Christian women.”  Magnificent portrait.  And it focuses on the very things that in the New Testament portray the model woman.

With that in mind, let’s go back to Ephesians chapter 5.  Now, we have already discussed the matter of submission in verse 22, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands.”  We’ve already discussed that.  Wife is to submit, that was our theme last time.  So, we looked at the matter of submission.  Let’s turn to the manner of submission.  Not only is the woman to submit, but there is a way in which she is to submit, there is a manner.  “As to the Lord.”  As to the Lord.  “Respond to your husband submissively,” listen to this, “as if you were responding to Jesus Christ.”  This, by the way, is a devastating indictment against those who deny a woman’s submission.  This is Christ’s will, and when you submit to your husband, you are submitting to Him.  You are responding as if to Christ.  As a woman is to be subject to the Lord Himself, so she is to be subject to her own husband as if he were Christ.

And I suppose there are many women who think that they are in perfect submission to Christ but lack of submissiveness to their husband indicates that they are not.  The matter of submission, very simple: be submissive to your own husbands.  And we defined that last time.  The manner of submission, as to the Lord.  With the same level of devotion that you give the Lord, submit to your husband.

Thirdly, Paul points out the motive for this submission in verse 23, “For the husband is the head of the wife.”  That’s the design of God.  That’s the divine plan.  Just as a body submits to the brain which is in the head by design, so the wife submits to the husband who is the head.  When you see a body that does not respond to the head, you see a deformity, you see something that is not normal.  You see a dysfunctional person.  And the same is true in a marriage.  Where a wife does not submit, there is distortion, deformity, and dysfunction.  God has designed that the body respond to the head.  And the husband is the head of the wife.

Then, fourthly, there is the model of submission.  The matter of submission, the manner of submission, and then there is this very important aspect of the motive which means basically that you’re responding because that’s the created order.  Then, the model of submission, verse 23, “As Christ also is the head of the church.”  In other words, you are to submit to your husband as the church submits to Christ.  With the same willing heart that the church has in obeying Christ, the wife is to submit to her husband.  Now, this is a very lofty concept, ladies, and gentlemen as well.  I mean, we’re talking about a significant model here.  In the same complete, non-grudging, joyful way in which the church is to submit to Christ, so you are to submit to your husband.

And then, it adds in verse 23, “Being the Savior of the body.”  We anxiously, joyfully submit to the one who saves us, namely the Lord Jesus Christ.  The church gladly submits to Christ.  We understand our weakness.  We understand His strength.  We submit our weakness to His strength in the church and we are to do the same thing in marriage.  A woman is to realize that her husband is her protector, her deliverer.  That’s what savior means.  She is humbly to give herself to that protection, to that care.

And then, fifthly, there’s one other component, and we’re going to expand on these so we’re just going through this in an introductory way.  The fifth point is the magnitude of submission, the magnitude of it.  Verse 24, “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands,” and here’s the magnitude, in what?  “In everything, in everything.”  The matter of submission is very clearly indicated here.  It’s unarguable: the wife is to submit to her husband.  The manner, as unto the Lord.  The motive, because it is God’s design to make the husband the head of the wife.  The model is the way the church submits to Christ.  And the magnitude is in everything, in everything.  That’s God’s design. 

Now, how does that submission work out?  What is the character or the nature of that submission?  What does it look like?  The best answer to that is to turn in your Bible to Titus and look with me at chapter 2.  And we’re going to spend some time here and also in Paul’s writing to Timothy.  This is very, very significant teaching.  But I want you to notice in chapter 2 of Titus, verses 3 through 5, and I’m going to read it and then we’re going to make some comment on this and some other passages, very, very important.  “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, not enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored.”

Now, here we come to some very specific instruction.  It is given, first of all, in verse 3, to the older women.  And the older women are given the responsibility, of course, to live godly lives, to be reverent in their behavior, not to gossip, not to be engaged in drinking wine, not to be a slave to it.  But here’s the primary thing you want to focus on for our study: teaching what is good, because that is the transitional statement that takes you into verses 4 and 5.  The older women are to conduct themselves in a godly way.  After their years of family rearing are over, they then take the role of becoming teachers, mentors.  The spiritual quality they maintain in their lives allows them to be the essential influence on the next generation of women.  In other words, it takes a generation of godly older women to instruct a new generation of young women.

They are literally to be teachers of what is good.  That’s a marvelous word, really, kalodidaskalos, one word.  They are teachers of good, or that which is noble, excellent, and lofty.  By their lives, by the way they conduct themselves, they are to pass virtue to the next generation of women.  The first few words of verse 4 show the important relationship.  “That they may encourage the young women.”  That they may encourage.  That they may, to put it in other terms, admonish, instruct.  It’s a rich word.  In fact, the word “encourage” here is a somewhat unique word, sōphronizō, and it literally means to train in self-control, to train in self-control.  Some have said that it means to steady someone by guidance, to help them to firm up their life.  This means to teach someone self-control, self-discipline, sensibility, prudence, all of that.  So, older women have a great responsibility to teach people, namely young women, to be sober-minded, to be balanced, to be steadied by their guidance, to become sensible, to become prudent, to become self-disciplined.  All of those English words could translate different forms of that Greek word.

One form of the root of this word is used in 1 Timothy 2 verses 9 and 15 and translated “discreetly and with self-restraint.”  You’re teaching them discretion.  You’re teaching them modesty, self-restraint.  I suppose that takes us right back to where we started, to train someone in self-control.  That’s the thought, so that young women are sensible, disciplined, wise, discreet and restrained, self-controlled.

Now, when it says “young women” we have to ask the question: what age does this refer to?  Well, the simple answer is: those who are with families, those still able to bear children and still in the process of raising children.  Those who are mothers whose children are still under their care. 

To further expand this idea of the young women and who they are, turn over to 1 Timothy chapter 5.  And we’re trying to be as comprehensive as we can be in this study because of its importance.  But in 1 Timothy chapter 5 and verses 9 through 15 is a very, very important section of Scripture.  And let me tell you, it has great application to the point we’re making.  Verse 9 of 1 Timothy 5, “Let a widow be put on the list only if she is not less than 60 years old.”  Now, let me stop you right there.  We know from the early church that they had elders, and deacons, and deaconesses.  They’re all mentioned in 1 Timothy chapter 3.  But apparently here, they also had another group of servants in the church, special servants who were godly widows.  And apparently they were given some official status, and they were put on a list, as verse 9 says, as official servants in the church.  They were older women, at least 60 years of age.  And they would have a primary responsibility of serving the younger women, of mentoring the younger women. 

And as there are qualifications for elders, and qualifications for deacons, and qualifications for deaconesses, so there are qualifications for these older women who are to be put on the official servant list for the mentoring of young women.  The fact that there are qualifications given here supports the idea that they were serving in some kind of an official capacity.  Apparently, the early church kept lists of such women.  Their areas of service likely included visiting the church’s younger women, to provide teaching and counseling, as well as perhaps visiting the sick and the afflicted, and providing hospitality to travelers, such as itinerant preachers and evangelists.  They probably had a ministry to children, as well, grandmothering on an extensive basis.  By the way, in those days children were often left in the marketplace because their parents didn’t want them.  Abandoned boys were often trained to become gladiators.  Abandoned girls were taken to brothels and raised to be prostitutes.  And it is very likely that widows found such abandoned children, and placed them in good homes so they could receive proper care.  By the way, if today’s church recognized this and had a group of godly widows with the same preoccupation, its younger women would greatly benefit.  God wants those kind of widows to be active in the church, not to be retired from it.

Spiritual enrichment had to pass from one generation to the next, and this is the perfect group of folks to do that.  By the way, in ancient times, and I think still today it’s a reasonable figure, the age of 60 marked sort of a period of time when one was consider to retire from activity, engage in philosophical contemplation.  Why?  Because for the most part child raising was done.  It was done.  That’s easy to understand.  Basically women can bear children into their 40’s.  And then, they go through a menopausal period after which they cannot bear children any longer.  If women are still able to have children in their early 40’s, they have by the time reached 60 raised those children, or around the age of 60.  If you are having children in your 40’s, you’re going to have them till you’re 60.  But after that period of time, women no longer bear children and so the parenting process is ended after they get beyond 60.  And that’s when they’re now ready, having done their work as a mother, having raised their children, they’re now ready to pass on to the next generation the proper instruction.  It’s unlikely also that women at that age would feel compelled to remarry, and so they could give themselves totally to the responsibility of raising a generation of godly young women.

Now, the only women who could go on to that list are here defined for us.  They had to have been in verse 9 the wife of one man.  Literally that means a one-man woman.  That is, they were faithful to their husbands.  They were pure and chaste.  The qualifications there are very, very clear.  It doesn’t necessarily refer to a woman who only had one husband because in this very passage, women who were widowed when they were young were told to remarry.  And it was not uncommon for men to die frequently in that time of history, and a woman might have a number of situations where her husband died and she would be free to remarry.  So, it’s not talking about just having one marriage partner, but being devoted to the one who was your partner, a one-man woman.

First Timothy 5:14 says, “It’s best if younger widows marry.”  And 1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “A widow may marry whom she will, only in the Lord.”  So, it’s not talking about someone who only had one husband, but rather one who demonstrated complete fidelity to her husband, and her marriage relationship had no blemish.  She is known as a virtuous and chaste wife.  Then, in verse 10, she is to have had a reputation for good works.  And it defines them: she is to have brought up children, shown hospitality to strangers, washed the saints’ feet, assisted those in distress, and devoted herself to every good work.  This is to be a woman of great virtue who is put on the official list, who is made a teacher in the church. 

And there are five specifics there that are very much like what we read in Proverbs 31.  First, if she has brought up children.  She is to have been a godly mother.  How can she instruct a generation of mothers if she has not been one?  Being a mother is one of the greatest privileges, of course, a woman can have because her influence greatly affects her children’s character.  That does not mean that a woman without children is less valuable to God.  His plan and design for her is equally important.  And in fact, in 1 Corinthians 7, a single person is exalted because he or she can be solely devoted to the Lord.  But bringing up children is the norm for most women.  And the mother who lives in faith and love and holiness with sobriety, as 1 Timothy 2:15 says, is a model that other women should follow.  And she raises a generation of children with those same virtues.

Secondly, she is to be hospitable.  She is to have lodged strangers, housed missionaries and travelers, itinerant evangelists, preachers and other Christians who were moving from place to place.  She is to have an open life, an open home and open heart.  And she is to be known also, verse 10 says, for having washed the saints’ feet.  She is to be humble.  She’s a virtuous woman.  She has raised children.  She has demonstrated hospitality.  And she is humble.  All the roads were either dusty or muddy, depending on whether it was dry or wet.  People had to have their feet washed and she would stoop and do the lowliest service of all, washing people’s feet.  She is to have been unselfish, demonstrated by the fact she assisted those in distress.  That means she has relieved the afflicted, as one translation says.  She speaks of being one who is committed to spending her time on others and not herself and devoted to every good work.  She is to be kind, like Dorcas, we read about her in Acts 9, making clothes for people who had none.

Now, the woman who lives these virtues becomes the teacher of good things.  This is the kind of woman who can teach the young women.  Now, look further down in this text to verse 11.  We’re still in 1 Timothy 5.  “But refuse to put younger widows on the list.”  This is not a list for young women.  Don’t put them on the list.  Why?  “For when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married, thus incurring condemnation because they have set aside their previous pledge.”  In other words, a widow loses her husband, here’s a typical scenario, and she feels terrible.  And, of course, it’s a tremendous loss.  And in the moment of the loss and in the sadness of it all, and in feeling like they’ll never be another man like the one she had as a husband, she says, “I’m going to devote the rest of my life to Christ, I’m never going to marry, no one can ever match my husband, I’m going to give the rest of my life to Christ.”  And she comes and says, “Please put me on the list, I’ll be a part of those who serve the church the rest of my life, I don’t want to be married.”  And Paul says don’t put them on the list.  “For when they feel sensual desires,” which are normal for a young woman, “in disregard of Christ they want to get married.”  In other words, they will turn against their vow.  They will have a strong desire and they’re going to feel the impulses of normal sexual desire.  By the way, it refers to a woman’s desire for a man and all that that entails.  It’s the only verse in the New Testament where this word is found.  It’s found outside of Scripture in an illustration that I found of an ox trying to escape from a yoke.  She’ll feel like she’s put a burden on herself, she can’t get out of and she will chafe at that.  A widow trying to break out of her rash vow.  And then, she’ll not only resent her vow but her frustration may lead her to be angry with the Lord.  And that is tragic.  So, you must not put her on the list because of that.

Secondly, don’t put her on the list because of verse 13, “At the same time they also learn to be idle as they go around from house to house.”  Apparently that tells us what those widows did.  They went around from house to house, mentoring, teaching, grandmothering, instructing.  But when a younger widow did that, that turned into idleness, just wandering around.  It may have been motivated initially by the desire to instruct and counsel.  But the young woman going around without the maturity and the wisdom of the older women was just collecting a lot of really hot news, feel for gossip.  A lot of personal information about people’s lives and homes that didn’t need to be spread, but without the wisdom to know that, she becomes a problem.  And originally a strong commitment to the Lord becomes at best a social occasion, if not a gossip opportunity.  They go around from house to house and are not merely idle, he says in verse 13, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.  So, don’t put them on the list.

Here’s what I want them to do, verse 14, “Therefore I want younger widows to,” what?  “Get married, bear children, keep house.”  That’s it.  That’s what it says.  I just want them to fulfill their God-given responsibility: get married, bear children, keep house.  Can you imagine standing up in any university and announcing that as the pattern for women?  Get married, bear children, keep house.  You’d be a dead duck.  But it’s true.  I wish I had that platform but no one will give it to me.  Younger women need to remarry so that they don’t struggle with strong desires.  They need to remarry so that they don’t just have idle time.  They need to bear children; that’s God’s purpose for most women.  Losing a husband doesn’t change that.  And then, he says keep house, or literally rule the house, manage the home.  That is always the woman’s sphere if she is married.  The husband provides the resources, brings them home, and the wife manages them and dispenses them and applies them on behalf of her dear family.

She is also to maintain her godliness so that the enemy is never given an occasion for reproach, for some have already turned aside to follow Satan.  She is to maintain a godly testimony.  And younger widows who remarry, rear godly children and properly manage the household give no cause for criticism against the church.  But women who violate that do.  Some of these women wandering around loose, without the protection of a husband, without the leadership of a husband, that listen to false teachers, acted according to their lust, spread lies, behaved as busybodies and turned from following Christ.

So, women are considered young when under 60, isn’t that good?  They’re young when they’re still raising children.  The older women are given the responsibility to instruct those younger women and to teach them what is absolutely essential. 

Now, let’s go back to Titus and see what it is these women actually teach.  First of all, Titus chapter 2, “Teach or encourage, or discipline the young women,” number one, “to love their husbands.”  That’s one word, philandros.  To be husband lovers.  That’s right, to be husband lovers.  It says in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives,” and here it says, basically, teach the young wives to love their husbands.  There is mutual love as mutual submission.  Be husband lovers.  This is a command, folks, this is a command, and a command demands obedience and assumes the possibility of obedience.  In other words, if God commands this, then He assumes that you can do this.  Sometimes you’ll hear a woman say, “I don’t love my husband.”  And I have a standard response to that, “Well, confess that sin immediately.  Fast and pray and ask God to show you the path of righteousness wherein you can love your husband.”  That’s a sin not to love your husband.

You say, “Well, I used to love him, you know, when the rockets were going off and the bells and the whistles and all that, but now it’s sort of routine with an occasional bell or whistle.”  Well, that isn’t what makes a marriage, what makes a marriage is a commitment to love, not to love is a sin.  This love is a mature, sacrificial, purifying, caring love.  It’s not the love of heated emotion.  Obviously, after you’ve been married a while you’re not running around like a maniac like you were when you first fell, and couldn’t talk, think or control your life.  It’s the love of depth and commitment that sees past the flirtatious vision of the person to the depth of their character.  It’s a sacrificial love.  It’s a purifying love.  It’s a commanded love.  We’re to teach young women to love their husbands.  That’s the responsibility of the older women, that’s the heart and soul of what enables a woman to submit.  It’s so much easier if you love your husband.

Secondly, the older women are to encourage the young women to love their children, to be children lovers, philoteknos; philandros, husband lovers; philoteknos, children lovers.  Be lovers of children, realize that your life is your husband; your life is your children.  In fact, remember that 1 Timothy 2:15 says a woman is saved through childbearing.  It’s a tremendous truth.  Saved through childbearing.  Boy, some people have really confused that.

Over in Eastern Europe I was amazed to find as I was ministering in Romania at a conference in a question and answer session.  I was asked that question about that verse, what does that mean?  And I gave the answer, interpreting the Scripture, and I found out later that was not the answer that everybody believed.  But rather what they believed is you could lose your salvation.  And one way that a woman could lose her salvation is if she did anything to prevent having babies.  In other words, she was able to maintain her salvation by childbearing, and so you had to keep having babies as fast as you were able to have them to sustain your salvation.  That’s a rather bizarre theological view.  And I’ll tell you one thing, to have me land in Romania and tell them the truth, and show them out of the Word of God what that actually meant was a very difficult thing to deal with because you can imagine some woman saying.  “What?  You mean to tell me I didn’t have to have these 15 kids to maintain my salvation?  Wait till I get to my pastor who told me that.”  I mean, that’s a huge thing to awaken to.  I mean, I don’t think any of them could look at those wonderful children that God had given them and wish they weren’t there, but it sure would cause you to stop and wonder whether there might have been an easier road.

A woman is saved from the stigma of having led the human race into sin, as Eve did.  A woman is saved from the stigma of being the weaker vessel by bearing children and raising them in sobriety, and virtue, and godliness, and righteousness.  A woman led the human race into sin, and yet it is women who influence children.  A mother’s godliness and a mother’s virtue has the most profound impact on the life of her children.  The rearing of children through righteousness gives a mother dignity, her great contribution.  The great contribution of a woman comes in motherhood.  Obviously, as I noted, God doesn’t want all women to bear children, but all who do find their fulfillment there.

Thirdly, in Titus, they are to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, to think right.  It’s a sad thing when we think about the world in which we live today and how women don’t think right, they can’t think straight, priorities are all fouled up.  They’ve lost the ability to make sound judgments.  They’ve lost common sense.  Something very basic: teach them to be sensible.  Teach them common sense.  Teach them practical wisdom, discretion, sound judgment.  Boy, that’s so important.  You know, just having some woman who has gone through life come back and teach you common sense to get you through the issues of life, very helpful.

Number four: teach them to be pure, hagnos, means chaste, virtuous, sexually faithful to her husband in every way.  First Peter, remember, says that women are to be preoccupied with who they are not how they look, not how they appear.  First Timothy 2:9 and 10 says they are to be attired when they come together modestly and discreetly, with godly fear and sobriety.  And modesty carries with it a sense of shame, a healthy sense of shame, a healthy blush.  Women in our culture could stand a heavy dose of blushing.  So many women today have no thought but that of inciting lust or distracting someone away from pure thought to that which is impure.  Women are to be pure; they are to make sure they appear in such a manner that calls attention to their virtue and their godliness and not to themselves.  They are to be modest and discreet, demonstrating their godly fear.  He says that they are to be, and this is very, very important, pure.  And that has the idea of without blemish.  The word “discreet” in the New Testament which is used a number of places speaking of women, such as 1 Timothy 2:9 and 10 and other places, comes from that same term, as I think about it, sōphrōn, which means self-control.  They are to demonstrate self-control over passion, holiness.

And then, number five, and now we get down to the nitty-gritty.  They are to be workers at home.  We’ve dealt with the attitudes of a woman, love toward husband, love toward children, wisdom and purity.  Now, we turn to the very important issue, the sphere of her responsibility, workers at home, oikourgos, literally a house worker.  This is the sphere of a woman’s life.  It is her domain.  It is her kingdom.  It is her realm.  The word is derived from the word “house” and the word “work.”  A house worker.  It doesn’t simply refer, by the way, to scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms and doing that.  It simply connotes the idea that the home is the sphere of her labors, whatever they might be.  It is not that a woman is to keep busy all the time at home.  It doesn’t mean that she can never go out the door.  It doesn’t mean that she’s always to be doing menial tasks.  But what it does mean is that the home is the sphere of her divine assignment.

She is to the home keeper, to take care of her husband, to provide for him and for the children, all that they need as they live in that home.  Materially, she is to take the resources the husband brings home and translate them into a comfortable and blessed life for her children.  She is to take the spiritual things that she knows and learns and to pass them on to her children.  She is a keeper at home.  God’s standard is for the wife and mother to work inside the home and not outside.  For a mother to get a job outside the home in order to send her children even to a Christian school is to misunderstand her husband’s role as a provider, as well as her own duty to the family.  The good training her children receive in the Christian school may be counteracted by her lack of full commitment to the biblical standards for motherhood.  In addition to having less time to work at home and teach and care for her children, a wife working outside the home often has a boss to whom she is responsible for pleasing in the way she dresses and a lot of other matters, complicating the headship of her husband and compromising her own testimony.  She is forced to submit to men other than her own husband, likely to become more independent, including financially in fragmenting the unity of the family.  She is in the danger of becoming enamored by the business world or whatever world she’s in, and finding less and less satisfaction in her home responsibilities.

Many studies have shown that most children who grow up in homes where the mother works are less secure than in those where mother is always at home.  I think that should be obvious.  Her presence there, even when the child is in school, is an emotional anchor.  Working mothers contribute so often to delinquency and a host of other problems that lead to the decline of the family.  It’s not that mothers who stay at home are automatically or categorically more spiritual.  Many mothers who have never worked outside the home do very little in the home to strengthen their families: gossiping, watching ungodly and immoral soap operas and a host of other things can be as destructive as a working mother.  But a woman’s only opportunity to fulfill God’s plan for her role as wife and mother is in the home.

Now, when children are grown, there is an opportunity for some kind of endeavor outside the home.  Certainly, that option is viable, if it doesn’t compromise her as a woman, it doesn’t compromise the headship of her husband, it doesn’t put her under undue temptation, it doesn’t put her in an environment where she is going to be subject to the actions and the words of ungodly men.  It may be that when the children are grown she can work part-time; she can even work full-time in an environment which is salutatory to her and which increases her godliness and strengthens her as a wife. 

But the home is still her domain.  And even widows or women whose husbands have left them are not expected to leave their domain and children to work outside the home.  Paul declared this in 1 Timothy 5:8, “If anyone doesn’t provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”  And this means to provide not only for his family immediately, but his extended family.  If there is, for example, a widow or a woman without a husband by divorce in your family, you should care for her before you force her out to care for herself.  If a woman has no husband, no financial resources of her own, the rest of her family or even her children or her grandchildren are to take care of her.  They have that responsibility so that she can maintain her responsibility in the family.  That’s indicated in the first part of chapter 5 of 1 Timothy.  But if she has no one, no male relatives, that 1 Timothy 5 passage says, if she has no male relatives to support her, there might be a female relative who could care for her, according to verse 16.  If she has no female relatives, there is nobody to care for her, then the church is obligated to care for her, 1 Timothy 5:16.

The basic premise then is that even a woman without a husband, even a woman who may not have children still has the right to be cared for.  I shouldn’t say not have children, but whose children are older, still has the right to be a part of the home.  As He was hanging on the cross, Jesus, during the last moments of His life was concerned about His mother.  And what He did in John 19 verses 26 and 27 was give her to John to take care of.  Why?  Well, she was most likely a widow.  Joseph had no doubt died before this.  Jesus was no longer there to take care of her.  His own half-brothers did not believe in Him.  He turns His mother over to John.

When a woman obviously still has children at home, her primary obligation is to them.  If she has no children or they are grown, she has a responsibility to help teach the younger women and share the insights and wisdom she’s gained from her own walk with the Lord.  She should invest her time when she’s older and her children are grown not in working in the world, hopefully sometimes that may have to happen, but investing in younger women.

Now, I realize having said what I’ve said to you tonight, I’m giving you the standard of Scripture.  There are a lot of cases that you could bring up.  What about this?  What about this?  What about this?  All I can tell you is what the Bible says.  You have to use your own wisdom.  There may be a situation where a widow has to be employed because the care of her children is not provided by anybody.  And frankly, most churches don’t come to the aid of these kinds of people.  I thank the Lord that our church does in many, many cases.

There may be a situation where your children are in school and without any compromise to your children or your husband; you can do some part-time work.  Many women have become very fruitful working out of their own homes and doing that, much like the Proverbs 31 woman.

But the standard is very clear in Scripture.  The sphere of a woman’s influence is to be found in the home.  The obvious things, of course, are when mothers go to work when they still have children young, even infants, babies, children who haven’t even gone to school yet, living in their home and they abandon them and turn them over to the care of someone else.  Even churches sometimes foster that by starting day care centers for children under school age.  Many times women work because they want to maintain a certain economic standard.  The sacrifice of children and family for that economic standard is a bad decision.

You say, “What about that woman who is very capable, and competent, and energized, who has an industrious attitude, who’s a very gifted person?  She can take care of her household responsibilities because we live in a day when there’s so many great appliances and you’re not out there on a rock beating your dirty clothes out.  We have all of that, and she’s got time on her hands, can’t she develop some enterprise?”  Of course, that’s what the Proverbs 31 woman did, of course.

The focal point: she provides for her husband expressions of love and care.  She provides the same for her children.  She leads and guides and teaches her children so that they can become godly children.  She is in the home, secure, and protected, and kept from the influence of evil men and potentially wicked relationships.  She lodges strangers.  She humbly washes saints’ feet.  She shows hospitality.  She devotes herself to every good work.  And that’s her domain.

Obviously, this is wondrously accommodated by a godly husband, right?  It becomes very difficult when you don’t have a faithful husband.  It is at that point the extended family steps in to help.  If there’s no extended family to help, at that point the church steps in to help so that having lost a father, the children don’t also lose a mother.  This is the church’s responsibility.

Vivian Gornick, a feminist author, writes, “Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession.  The choice to serve and be protected and planned toward being a family maker is a choice that shouldn’t exist, and the heart of radical feminism is to change that.”  End quote.  Of course.  Whatever God says, they want to unsay.

In New Testament times, as in Old Testament times, a woman in a home had to grind flour, bake everything from scratch, launder, cook, nurse and care for children, make beds, spin, weave, keep house, care for guests.  And in the same time and with the full energy and commitment, devote herself to express her love to her husband, to her children and to God Himself.  A tremendous assignment.  You say, “Why in the world does God want women to be so busy?”  At the risk of sounding trite, it keeps them out of sin.  Proverbs 7:11 gives a startling picture of a harlot.  It says this about a harlot: “She is boisterous and rebellious, and her feet do not remain at home.”  She doesn’t find her home sufficiently fulfilling.  She needs something else, and that leads her into sin. 

To most of our society, this is all absolutely ridiculous stuff.  And we get so engulfed in this kind of thinking because of the society around us that it may even seem a little strange to us, but this is the Word of God.  Godly women are to be content at home, and to be content to love their children and love their husbands and serve their families in their homes and serve the Lord.  One of the most wonderful things that the church has ever experienced is the ministry of women.  All of the tests and the studies and surveys indicate that about 60 percent of all church life is cared for by women.  Evangelical churches are populated by women.  They say about 37 percent of evangelical churches are men.  The church has always benefited by godly women who work in the home, and when they have time they minister on behalf of the church.  And as women abandon the home for the world, they also abandon the church.

Now, let’s follow along here in Titus.  The older women teach the younger women to love their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, obvious what that means, kind, you know again there, again caring for strangers, loving those in need.  And then this, “Being subject to their own husbands.”  Again that is the same expression as in Ephesians 5:22, “To their own husbands,” not somebody else’s, not some other men.  To be subject to her own husband.  Why?  “So, that the Word of God may not be dishonored.”  Literally, blasphēmeō, that it may not be blasphemed or slandered.

What is at stake here?  What is at stake here is the honor of the Word of God.  If we say we believe in the Word of God, and we say we want to preach to you the gospel of the Word of God, and that the Bible has the answers, and that Christ is the answer, and we stand on the revelation of Christ in the Word of God, but in our daily lives we disobey the Word of God, why should anyone believe that it’s as important as we claim it is?  The honor of Scripture is at stake.  Even an unbeliever can read these verses, and an unbeliever is more likely to see them at face value.  How can you argue with, “teach the young women, love their husbands, love their children, be workers at home, be subject to your own husband?”  That’s not confusing.  That’s what the Bible says.  And where there is disobedience, there is a statement being made about the importance of Scripture.  And that has devastating results.

Now, the whole issue here is evangelistic.  This is an evangelistic epistle.  This whole epistle to Titus is designed to teach the church how to evangelize the lost.  It’s all about that.  In fact, in verse 3 of chapter 1, “God our Savior;” verse 4, “Christ Jesus our Savior;” chapter 2 verse 10, “God our Savior;” verse 13, “Our great God and Savior Jesus Christ;” chapter 3 verse 4, “God our Savior;” verse 6, “Jesus Christ our Savior.”  Every mention of God is our Savior; every mention of Christ is our Savior, after the opening salutation.  It’s about the saving work of God.  And how does the saving work of God go on?  It goes on by means of the testimony of godly people.  Older men, in verse 2, living a certain way.  Older women, in verse 3, living a certain way.  Younger women, in verses 4 and 5, living the way God has designed.  Young men, verses 6 and 7 and 8, living the way God has designed.  Verse 9, servants living the way God has designed; masters living the way God has designed.  And as the church lives according to God’s design in Scripture, what happens?  The gospel goes forth.  Verse 11, “For the grace of God has appeared bringing salvation to all men.”  This lays the foundation for the gospel, how we live in the church.  The Word of God is at stake.  The gospel is at stake.  But down in verse 14, “We have been redeemed from every lawless deed and the Lord is purifying for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.”  Why?  So that the Scriptures will be believed.  So that the gospel will be accepted. 

Back in verse 8 he says, “We’re to live this way to silence the critics.”  We are in verse 10, “To live this way to adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect.”  Our testimony is at stake.  If we are going to reach this world, if we’re going to evangelize this world, these are the principles, and the role of the woman is crucial in this regard.  You have to take these principles and apply them in your own situation prayerfully and carefully, but the principles and the commands are straightforward and clear.  If it means changing your lifestyle, change it to obey the Word of God.  As a woman, your priority is to God, and that means you obey Him.  And then, your priority is to your husband, and that means you love him and you submit to him.  Your priority is then to your children; you teach them, you instruct them, you raise them in godliness and express your love to them.  Then, your sphere is your home which is your haven, a place of hospitality.  And then, your ministry in the life of the church.  Anything apart from those priorities brings dishonor on God’s Word.  It’s that simple.  And if we’re going to have an impact in the world, that’s the way we need to live.  And may God help us to do that for His glory.  Let’s pray.

Father, we have covered so much tonight.  Thank You for the faithfulness of these precious folks to take in all this material, to think it through.  It is complex in its application, and yet it’s simple in its understanding.  Lord, the priority is you, obedience to you.  The priority is the husband, the children, the home.  Help each of the women in this church, each of the women hearing this message to be able to comprehend and understand how that works in their lives, how it translates into their lives.  Thank You, Lord, for those women who have been faithful to this.  And, Lord, I pray for those women who have left their priorities and wandered off.  May they know Your grace and mercy abounds to them and they can return to the priority You’ve established.  Lead them to that path.  For those young women, Lord, who are just setting their sights on the future and wanting to live for you, may they fix themselves to be obedient to these principles and find that man who will be a strength to their convictions.  For those who are single, Lord, fulfill them.  For those who are without children, fulfill them in the way that You’ve designed for them.  And Lord, may we all in being obedient to you, exalt Your Word that the watching world may see that we indeed believe it.  It can change our marriages; it can change and transform our families into havens of joy.  And if it can do that, it can transform our souls.  And may our testimony have that result, the salvation of those who see.  We thank You, Lord, for Your clear instruction and the promise of the empowering of Your Spirit to fulfill it.  And may You be honored in our lives as we endeavor in Christ’s name.  Amen.




Available online at: http://www.gty.org/resources/Sermons/1945
COPYRIGHT ©2014 Grace to You

You may reproduce this Grace to You content for non-commercial purposes in accordance with Grace to You's Copyright Policy (http://www.gty.org/connect/copyright).