The Required Character for a Pastor: Family Leadership
Titus 1:6
We are so blessed week in and week out to be studying together the Word of God and have its truths open to our hearts and minds by the Holy Spirit. What a tremendous, tremendous privilege it is. Every text that we come to as the months and years go by carries with it such great truth, such heart‑ searching truth, such life‑changing truth. And I...I find that the adventure of my own preparation each week is an exhilarating joy.
This week, however, as was last week is a bit hard for me to preach because I'm talking about what I do in talking about the qualifications for one who is a pastor. And I want you to understand that I come to this pulpit humbly and I come to this pulpit not at all advocating myself as the pattern or the model for these things. I come to the pulpit as one who is really myself under the authority of what the Scripture says and I must bring it to bear upon my own life so this is indeed an exercise in my own spiritual life. I have been through this text now for days and days and it has searched out my own heart, as do all of those that particularly pertain to the ministry and those who are qualified. And whatever God has done in my life in ministry, whatever he is doing and shall do in the future is strictly and only due to His grace, which is abundant in me and for which I give Him all the glory.
We're studying Titus chapter 1 and we're looking at verses 5 to 9 which give us the required character for a pastor or an elder. We are examining what kind of man the Lord wants to lead His church. This instruction is explicit, unarguable, it is not negotiable. It is simple and straight forward. It tells us precisely without equivocation that there are certain men who fit as leaders in the Lord's church and there are certain men who do not. It is crucial for the life of the church, the future of the church that it might continue to become more and more like Jesus Christ that the right man are its pastors, elders, overseers, leaders.
In general, the role of leadership is one of example. Obviously precept is there but behind anything we say is what we are. And that is why in this text, starting in verse 5 and running down to verse 9, you don't hear anything about teaching until you come to verse 9. Only as the last category of discussion does the Apostle Paul talk about men who are skilled in holding forth the faithful Word. Up until that point, everything has to do with character. The character of the man is the foundation of his preaching and teaching because the pattern of his life is the platform for his proclamation. We are preachers and we are teachers, we are articulators of truth, but at the same time that is done from the platform of a virtuous life. Leadership primarily is example. We are called to live what we preach and teach. We are to set a pattern for others to follow in our own lives, as well as what we say.
The Apostle Paul reminds us of that in a number of places, as do other New Testament writers. Philippians 3:17, Paul says, "Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. Follow people who follow me because I follow Christ." That's leadership in the church.
In 2 Thessalonians chapter 3 and verse 9, Paul says that we offer ourselves as a model for you that you might follow our example. In 1 Timothy chapter 4 and verse 12, Paul says to Timothy that you are to be an example in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, an example that others can follow. In Hebrews chapter 13 and verse 7, the readers are told to remember those who led them, who spoke the Word and they are to imitate their faith, follow their life pattern. In 1 Peter 5 Peter says that under shepherds, pastors, are to be examples to the flock.
I suppose it's summed up in 1 Corinthians 11:1 where Paul says, "Be ye followers of me as I am of Christ." And so leadership is basically spiritual virtue, spiritual character, spiritual maturity, godliness, holiness, righteousness, integrity of life that sets a pattern for others to follow.
When Paul wants to find a way to illustrate this kind of leadership, when he wants to find some other arena to draw as an analogy for this, interestingly enough he chooses the family. Look at a very important text, 1 Thessalonians chapter 2....1 Thessalonians chapter 2. Paul here is describing to the Thessalonians the nature of his ministry. And he describes it beginning in verse 7 in some very wonderful terms. First Thessalonians 2:7, "We proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children, having thus a fond affection for you we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives because you had become very dear to us, for you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You're witnesses and so is God how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers, just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own Kingdom and glory."
Verse 7 mentions a mother and verse 11 mentions a father. And all around those two are various characteristics of a mother and a father, the gentleness, the nursing mother, the tender care, the fond affection, the giving of our lives to the very dear way in which we treated you, the labor, the hardship, the work, the upright blameless example, the exhortation, encouragement and imploring of you, all speak of parently activity. We lived with you. We nurtured you. We loved you. We cared for you. We set a pattern for you. We sacrificed for you. We worked for you. We witnessed to you. We exhorted, encouraged, implored you. We wanted you to be worthy and to walk in a worthy way. There you have the image of the consummate leader in the church. He's not like a CEO in a company, not at all. He is like a father in a family. He is like a mother in a family. He is a combination of both of those in a spiritual parent. He is tender and loving and compassionate. He has a compulsive love which gives its life for the nurturing of others no matter how great the toil to do so. He is strong, he is persuasive, he is motivating, courageous. He sets the pace for others. He sets the model by example. And this is a parenting kind of picture. He lives a life to be imitated.
The spiritual leader in the church is not primarily a producer as industry calls them, somebody who works hard. He is not primarily a manager, that is somebody who gets people to work. He is a leader, that is someone who lives a life that others want to copy. That's what leadership is. The producer is somebody who can do a job. The manager is somebody who can mobilize people to accomplish an end. The leader is someone that others want to be like. That's what spiritual leadership is. We're not just producers, I'm not just in the church to produce sermons. We're not just managers. I'm not here to organize and structure and mobilize the church to some accomplished goal. All pastors and elders are here to become patterns that you desire to follow, people you want to become like because they pattern for you the very things they teach from the Word of God. And there's no better way to see that then in the analogy of parenting. And that's why Paul chooses it there in 1 Thessalonians.
Paul many times refers to those that are Christians and saints in his life as his children. John calls them his children in the faith. Peter calls the believers children. Why? Because they all understand that spiritual leadership is a kind of parenting role where you live before people, you set an example before them as well as teaching, instructing them. They go together.
When you have the responsibility to lead people to Christ and to lead them to sanctification and holiness and to lead them to service for the Lord Jesus Christ, you are fathering them, you are nurturing them, you are parenting them, moving them along. And your life must back up what you say if you're to have the power of integrity and credibility in that effort.
Now I believe that's really a very important concept to have in mind as you come to the text of Titus chapter 1. Let's go there...Titus chapter 1. Titus says, "For this reason...verse 5...I left you in Crete that you might set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely if any man be above reproach, a one‑woman man...and now for this morning we look at this statement...having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion."
Now if you are to be a leader of the Lord's church, if you are to be a father to the family of God as we read about in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, what better way to qualify yourself then by proving your spiritual leadership in your own family. If you want to know whether a man lives an exemplary life, if you want to know whether he can lead someone to faith in Christ by the power of his own virtue, if you want to know whether he can teach the truth, if you want to know whether he can model it, whether he is consistent, whether he can lead people to salvation, lead them to holiness, lead them to serve God, then look at the most intimate relationships in his life and see if he can do it there. See if he has integrity there. See if the credibility is there. Does a man have integrity and virtue? Does a man have true godliness and righteousness in all his ways? Are the principles that he wants to teach lived out in the most intimate way in his own life? Is he able to lead someone to Christ by the power of his testimony and consistency? Is he trustworthy? Is he godly? Is he virtuous?
You want to know the answer to that? Look at his family and you will find the people who know him best...who know him most intimately, who see him most closely, who understand every part of him. If you want to find the answer to what kind of man he is, ask the people who know him best.
There are many fathers who work hard. And some fathers who manage their households well, keep everything controlled. But do not lead their children to Christ and do not lead their children to godliness and do not lead their children to serving the Lord. The men who do are candidates for being pastor or elder. That's what he's saying here. Since spiritual leadership is a kind of parenting where you don't just talk it, you live it, and where you must be able to lead people by your life as well as your precepts to certain level of understanding of the truth which leads to salvation and holiness and service, you need to look at some proving ground where you can see that happening and Paul's simply saying here the proving ground is in the home...it's in the home.
Now this is...this is a somewhat provocative concept, I understand. And you may be having all kinds of thoughts, not all of which I'll attempt to answer anymore than this text does. But the simple statement here is the man who is to be considered for leadership in the church is a man who has proven his spiritual leadership in the most intimate place, that's his own family.
Now remember, Paul is arming Titus here as at the end of verse 5 he said, "I already directed you about this," he's simply writing down what they've already discussed, not so much for Titus' benefit but for the benefit of the churches in which Titus will be having to do his work. And it isn't an easy work. He's on that island called Crete and he's going from place to place to straighten up what is broken, or bent or crooked and to ordain elders in every city where there was a church. And just going in and saying, "Look, I'm going to pick some elders out here and have you people affirm them," was not an easy task and the church might sort of quibble about who would be selected. So to arm Titus effectively, the Lord inspires Paul to write down the very specific qualifications.
Now these qualifications starting in verse 6 down to verse 9 can be divided into four categories. The first was sexual morality. The second, we're looking at today, is family leadership. The third in verses 7 and 8 is general character. And the fourth an final one in verse 9 is teaching skill. If someone is to be an elder or a pastor, they must qualify in all four categories...sexual morality, family leadership, general character and teaching skill. And when a man does, of course, in general he will be a man as verse 6 says and verse 7 who is above reproach. Four‑fold package, if you will, and if you are not qualified in one of the four, you do not qualify.
Now what he's saying today is we're looking at the matter of family leadership and he is saying the instruction is simple, Titus, a pastor or elder, overseer in the church must be a man who has demonstrated his spiritual leadership ability and his integrity by leading his family to the truth he holds most precious which is the very same thing he must do in the church. The family then becomes the proving ground for his unique kind of leadership. Can he lead by precept? Can he lead by principle? And can he support it by the virtue of a righteous life? Look at his children. His leadership in the family will be the most obvious place to find the answer.
Now let me say this. A few footnotes. One, it may be that you as a father have made every effort, every good and righteous effort possible to lead your children to faith in Christ and you have not seen the fruit that you would desire. You are not responsible for your child's rejection before God but neither would you be qualified to be an elder or a pastor in the church. Secondly, there is nothing in the Scripture that bars a single man from being an elder. Paul at the writing of this was probably single, as best we can tell. There's nothing in Scripture that bars a single man from leadership, from being an elder in the church. Furthermore, there is nothing in the Scripture that bars a childless man from being an elder in the church. But where you don't have marriage, or you don't have children, you have to find other experiences than those in the home to ascertain the man's spiritual leadership. And if indeed he has been faithful as a spiritual leader in other arenas, that will be available to assess. So I want you to understand that I don't think this is a prohibition against single people or against childless people being elders or pastors, not at all. It's just that there are going to have to be other areas in which you look to see the impact and the virtue of that life.
And also, when you see this in verse 6 as flowing right behind the statement "if a man be above reproach," and right before the statement, verse 7, "the overseer must be above reproach," you're really talking here primarily about an above‑ reproach man, it's almost like a negative rather than a positive. We are wanting to emphasize the positive impact of his Christianity, but there's also the point that he must have children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion because they would become a reproach on him. And obviously, if he's not married and doesn't have any, they couldn't. So it's important for us to note those things.
but the general thrust is this. The family is the proving ground where a man demonstrates his spiritual leadership. And if he has children who believe who are not involved in dissipation and rebellion, they will never bring scandal upon his good name and the integrity of his spiritual leadership. When a man stands in a pulpit and says, "This is how to live...this is how to conduct yourself...this is God's high standard...this is what God expects of you...this is how you're to raise your children...this is how you pass godliness from one generation to the next," and you look at his life and you say, "Wait a minute, you've got wild and uncontrolled children who live in rebellion and reject the gospel, why are you the guy who is telling us how to do this?" You can see it brings reproach upon his life. It questions the integrity of his message. It sucks the credibility out of it and thus the impact. It is a unique thing that preachers and elders do. It is a unique thing that requires a very unique grace from God to qualify them to do it. But please remember, just because someone is not married or doesn't have a child doesn't mean they're disqualified, it just means the demonstration of their spiritual leadership has to be somewhere else and we need not worry that one of their children would bring reproach upon them.
Paul is saying you want to make sure you select men who have a good reputation, as he says elsewhere, outside the church as well as inside the church, who will never be discredited by some unbelieving wayward child, one who claims to believe but is unruly and sinful. That kind of child would be a reproach, shattering the model of godly virtue that he is to hold up before the people on the inside of the church and the outside of the church.
So the standard is both positive. He is to reflect the power of godly living and he is also to be protected from embarrassing scandal by wayward children. Both are essential perspectives for his candidacy to be an elder.
Now some people want to make this an issue of sovereign election. Whenever you get in to this discussion, there's a lot of discussion about this statement, by the way, a lot of it. And some people want to say, "Well it certainly can't mean you have to have converted children because that's all up to God's election, that's all God's sovereignty. And if He doesn't choose to elect your children, then you're in real trouble." Well let me answer that by saying this. That is an unbiblical and fatalistic approach and is not worthy of a proper consideration of the impact of a godly life or the responsibility for evangelism. Salvation comes to people through the faithful witness and godly example of other people. Is that not true? Salvation comes to people through the faithful witness and godly example of other believers. All through Scripture we are continually taught that a godly life leads people to salvation. Election is the issue with God and the issue by which we give Him glory but it is not the consideration to be in our minds in the process of spiritual living and witness. All through Scripture we are taught that a godly life leads people to salvation.
Let me show you by way of reminder. Matthew 5:16, I'll give you a number of texts you might want to write them down, just listen as I read them. Matthew 5:16, "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and as a result glorify your Father who is in heaven." In other words, you can live a kind of life that leads people to glorifying God. In Acts chapter 2 we find that this is indeed what happened in the early church. It says they were continually devoting themselves to the Apostles' teaching, Acts 2:42, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, to prayer. They had all things in common, verse 44. Verse 46, they were worshiping, they were taking their meals together, breaking bread, they had gladness, sincerity of heart, verse 47, they were praising God. Here are some powerful transformed lives. They had favor with all the people. The result, the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved. Why were they being saved? They were being saved because of the power of these transformed lives...the impact of godly example.
In Romans chapter 11, the Apostle Paul writes in verse 14, he says, "My desire in preaching to the Gentiles is to somehow move to jealousy my fellow countrymen and save some of them." Paul is saying if I can minister effectively among the Gentiles, if my life and ministry is effective there, it will create a jealousy that will save some Jews. In other words, what I do has a direct impact on the salvation of others.
First Corinthians 9:22, Paul says, "To the weak I became weak that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men that I might...may by all means save some. I do everything for the sake of the gospel." In other words, he says the way I deal with people is to lead them to salvation by my life. He said I become a slave to all that I might win the more, verse 19. I become a Jew to the Jews, I become as without law to those who are without law, I become whatever I need to become to live a life pattern and to reach people that I might save them.
In 1 Corinthians chapter 10 verse 31, Paul says, "Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God. Don't give an offense to a Jew or to a Greek or to the church." He says, "Just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of many that they may be saved." I do what I need to do not to offend anybody because how I live my life leads people to salvation...you see that?
Look at Philippians chapter 2, here it is again, it's the same great concept. He says in verse 15, Philippians 2, "You're to prove yourself to be blameless, innocent children of God, above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world." Here we are living in a world of sin and iniquity, we are to be blameless, innocent children of God, above reproach, in the middle of this crooked perverse generation. We are to be lights in the middle of the darkness, holding fast the Word of life. Why? So that in the day of Christ...that's in the future...I may have cause to rejoice because I didn't run in vain or toil in vain. What does he mean? In the day of Christ I will see the impact of your life was to lead others to Christ, that's his point. In the day of Christ I will rejoice when we're all gathered to Christ and I will see the power of your living, your example.
In 1 Timothy chapter 4 verse 12, Paul says, "Don't let anyone look down on your youthfulness, in speech, conduct, love, faith, purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." You ought to be a living illustration of what Christianity is. That's what a Christian leader should be, a living illustration of what Christianity is. Then in verse 13 he talks about the preaching and the teaching.
Go down to verse 16, "Pay close attention to yourself and your teaching, persevere in both of those things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and those who hear you." How you live along with what you say brings salvation to people.
Look at 1 Peter chapter 2...1 Peter chapter 2 verse 11, "I urge you as aliens and strangers, abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul, keep your behavior excellent among the pagans so that in the thing in which they slander you as evil doers they may on account of your good deeds as they observe them glorify God in the day of visitation." You know what the day of visitation is? The day of judgment. He says, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if in the day of judgment the pagans who watched your life glorified God?" In other words, they weren't being judged, they were among the redeemed. They were glorifying God in His judgment because it wasn't coming on them. They were praising God for delivering them. And what was the impact that caused them to believe? It was the power of your good deeds as you observed...as they observed them in your life. So stay away from fleshly lusts, keep your behavior excellent because it can be on account of your good deeds that people will glorify God in the day of judgment rather than fearing Him.
Look at 1 Peter 3:1. "You wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, uncoverted, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior." The power of a virtuous life, the power of a godly life is laid out for us all through Scripture...all through Scripture.
You can't just...you can't just go off on the concept of election and say, "Well if they're elect they'll get saved, if they're not elect they won't get saved." The fact of the matter is God saves people through the means of godliness in the lives of others. And if I in my home am committed to living a godly life and a virtuous life and the proclaiming saving gospel truth that is lived out in integrity, there is every reason to believe God in His grace will use that to redeem my children. It may not always happen, but f