“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13–14

The masculine virtues of steadfastness, courage, and strength are incomplete without another manly trait: love.

Paul knew that without love, these other qualities could make us crusty, militant, and hardened. But love complements and balances everything else. It is the softening principle. It keeps our firmness from becoming hardness and our strength from becoming domineering. It keeps our maturity gentle and considerate. It keeps our right doctrine from becoming obstinate dogmatism, and our right living from becoming smug self-righteousness.

Unfortunately, many Christians would not include love on their list of manly virtues because they have a worldly concept of love. In the world’s economy, love is soft and weak. It is a warm, fuzzy feeling. It is the tolerance of all viewpoints, behaviors, and lifestyles. To the world, love is only ever empathy and acceptance. It is always gentle and never firm, always quiet and never assertive. It is a soppy kindness that seeks the temporal comfort of others rather than their genuine good. The ultimate goal of worldly love is to satisfy the every desire of depraved sinners.

That is far from the biblical view of love and far from the kind of love that God calls believing men to exhibit. In fact, the Lord Jesus Christ, the epitome of love, demonstrated a very different kind of love—true, masculine love. He graciously sought the good of man and the glory of God. He called out sin and hypocrisy, urged people to repent, and warned them of eternal hell. He always spoke the truth. In doing so, Christ elicited the strongest hatred from the world because He “[testified] of it, that its deeds are evil” (John 7:7). That’s what love does.

It is not surprising that in Ephesians 5, Paul calls husbands to love their wives using the ultimate paragon of love as an example—Christ and His church. A man is to reflect the love of Christ in his marriage—it is the descriptor of his duties. Men are to be defined by love.

While not every man is married, every man ought to be capable of this kind of love. Even a single man is to be marked by the sacrificial love that Paul describes here, although it will not find the same expression as it does with a married man. If any man is to be a godly man, he must pursue the same love for others that Christ demonstrated.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself. (Ephesians 5:25–33)

This passage gives us four facets of the love that defines godly men.

Love Gives

First, masculine love is a love that gives. Paul’s point in this passage is that Christ’s love is a self-sacrificial love. He “loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, emphasis added). Jesus Himself indicated that of all love’s qualities, a willingness to sacrifice self is the greatest: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life” (John 15:13). Authentic love is always self-sacrificial.

The typical tyrant is arrogant and self-centered. The person who loves sacrificially is the polar opposite: humble, meek, concerned more with others than with self. Again, Christ is the model. Though He exists eternally as God and is therefore worthy of all worship and honor, He assumed a human nature by which He lived and died for sinners, never receiving the worship He was worthy of from men but instead enduring humiliation. Scripture says He “emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:7–8). That is what Christ’s sacrificial love looked like, and that is what God calls men to emulate.

Remember, also, that Christ did not bestow His love for the church on people who deserved that love. As a matter of fact, they were people who deserved only wrath and condemnation. But He loved them even though they were not worthy of it. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

So this kind of love does not depend on the lovableness or the attractiveness of the object. Paul was not telling husbands to love their wives if the wives deserved it, or if the husbands felt like it. Instead, biblical love is a willful commitment to self-sacrifice, and it is not based on how we might “feel” at any point about the object of our love.

Properly understood, Ephesians 5:25 demands that the husband die to self. In effect, he is called to crucify himself for the sake of his wife. It’s not just talking about some petty sacrifice, such as helping his wife with the dishes every now and then. It means the husband must devote his entire life—and quite literally even be willing to die—for the good of his wife. Remember, genuine love “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). To love your wife as Christ loved the church is to be preoccupied with what you can do for her, not vice versa.

Love Guards

Second, the godly man’s love is a love that guards. This love is the kind of love that safeguards his wife’s purity. Paul said Christ’s sacrifice for the church had this object in mind: to sanctify and cleanse her (Ephesians 5:26)—to make her glorious, without spot or wrinkle, “that she would be holy and blameless” (v. 27). Her purity was His primary concern.

Likewise, in marriage, it is every husband’s solemn duty to guard his wife’s purity. No one would ever deliberately defile someone he really loves. Remember, authentic love “does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). How could a loving husband ever delight in something that compromises the purity of the one he loves? He will guard her from anything and everything that might dishonor her, degrade her, demean her, or tempt her to sin. And he himself will be an example of purity, knowing that whatever defiles him will ultimately defile her too.

Notice the primary way Christ maintains the purity of the church: “by the washing of water with the word” (Ephesians 5:26). Husbands have a duty to ensure that their wives are regularly exposed to the purifying effect of the Word of God. It is the husband’s duty to make sure the Bible is at the center of the home. He ought to lead his family in participation in a church where Scripture is revered and obeyed. But above all, he himself needs to be devoted to the Word and proficient enough in handling the Scriptures that he can be the true spiritual head in the marriage (see also 1 Corinthians 14:34–35).

Love Cares

Third, genuine love is love that cares. It involves tender care, and Paul expressed that idea this way: “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28).

We spend a lot of time and energy taking care of our own bodies. We give them whatever food, clothing, comfort, recreation, relaxation, or rest they need. We’re attentive to them, and concerned for their health.

It’s only reasonable, then, that a man would love his wife the way he loves his own body, because in marriage, “the two . . . become one flesh” (v. 31). This is a principle that is built into the design of marriage itself (cf. Genesis 2:24). Husbands ought to love their wives with the same care they give to their own bodies because, after all, the two are one flesh.

The apostle Peter elaborated on caring love with these words of advice for husbands: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).

True love for one’s wife involves consideration for how she feels. Husbands need to be aware of the concerns their wives express, the goals they have set, the dreams they cherish, the desires that drive them, the things they fear, and the anxieties they carry. That requires a deliberate effort to see as she sees and feel what she feels. It means listening to her carefully and giving her time to share her heart, and having empathy with what she is feeling. That sort of understanding doesn’t seem to come naturally to most husbands, but that is what every wife needs—and that is what Scripture demands of husbands.

The terms Paul employed in Ephesians 5 are strikingly warm and personal: “No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (v. 29). A wife is a God-given treasure to be nourished and cherished—“just as Christ also does the church.” She is her husband’s to care for.

Love Lasts

Fourth, a man is to display love that lasts. Since the husband’s love for his wife pictures Christ’s love for the church, it must also be the kind of love that outlasts every trial and overcomes every obstacle. That, of course, was God’s original design for marriage, and we are reminded of that fact by verse 31, where Paul quotes from Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” When Christ was questioned about divorce, He quoted that same verse, then underscored the permanence of the union: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Every marriage involves both a physical and spiritual union: “The two shall become one flesh.” It knits the husband and wife together in every aspect of life—and God is the one who joins them together (Matthew 19:6).

Naturally, then, God also designed marriage to be a permanent union, unbroken and uncorrupted. Scripture says, “‘For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel” (Malachi 2:16). The biblical terminology of Ephesians 5:31 stresses the permanence of the marriage union: “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife.”

The word translated “be joined to” is a Greek term that literally speaks of gluing something together. It describes a permanent, unbreakable bond. That is an apt description of God’s ideal for marriage. It’s a union held together by lasting love that absolutely refuses to let go. Therefore, men are to persevere in that love, not allowing anything to hinder it or cause it to wane.

These four facets of love are to be integral to the character of every man. Particularly, in the marriage relationship, men must show a love that gives, guards, cares, and lasts. Men who are capable of such love will have a great impact in this world.

In fact, the world would look very different if its men lived up to this standard of love. Families would be full of godly joy. Churches would flourish with kindness and righteousness. The truth would be adorned with good works.

The Lord is looking for such men in His church. Will He find them?

(Adapted from The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: 1 Corinthians and The Fulfilled Family)