Christ’s words in Matthew 5:23–26 teach us the urgency of forgiveness and reconciliation:

if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent.

The presumption seems to be that the party who is being handed over to the judge is the guilty party. Since he has committed the wrong, it is therefore incumbent on him more than on anyone else to seek to remedy the wrong speedily.

But sometimes it even may be appropriate for the one who has been wronged simply to suffer the wrong, especially if necessary to avoid the dishonor of bringing a dispute before a secular court.

In the church at Corinth, for example, there were believers who, refusing to settle their differences among themselves, were suing one another in pagan courts (1 Corinthians 6:1). Paul reminded them that it is better to suffer wrong or be defrauded than to bring a lawsuit against another believer before a pagan judge. That is the most notable example of Christian forgiveness, even when there is not reconciliation.

Sadly, I have known of several Christians who were willing to violate that clear command. They always seem convinced that somehow their case is the exception to Paul’s rule. Give them an opportunity to explain why they feel they are within their rights to sue a fellow Christian and inevitably they will explain how they are about to be wronged through some great injustice that only a court can remedy. Surely God does not countenance such gross injustices, they typically plead, saying He cannot wish that this wrong be overlooked, and so on.

Paul recognizes that the other person may be wrong. But he plainly says it is better to be defrauded than to sue another Christian (1 Corinthians 6:7). Lawsuits where a Christian takes another Christian before a secular judge are never justifiable.

But what if the offender stubbornly and deliberately refuses to acknowledge the wrong? The church, rather than a secular court, should act as arbiter. Ultimately in such cases, the church may need to institute discipline against the offending member (1 Corinthians 6:2).

I’m convinced that if church discipline were more consistently practiced, there would be fewer such conflicts between Christians, and genuine love and harmony would prevail more in the church.

An appalling number of churches refuse to obey the biblical instructions to discipline sinning members. What should someone do who has exhausted every avenue of appeal in the church and still feels an injustice has been done? In such cases, 1 Corinthians 6:7 applies: suffer the wrong for the sake of Christ. If the church you attend is wantonly disobeying Christ’s clear instructions about how to deal with sin within the fellowship, you may need to seek a church where Scripture is more faithfully obeyed.

But some injustices will never be made right this side of eternity. It is clear that the Christian’s duty in such cases is to suffer the wrong gracefully, magnanimously, and willingly for the sake of Christ. God Himself will ultimately right all such wrongs. Meanwhile, we must refuse to harbor a grudge. We must never allow a spirit of resentment to stain our character. We must seek to be like Joseph, willing to see the hand of God working good, even in the most unjust circumstances.

When It Is Hard to Forgive

Forgiveness certainly does not come naturally to fallen creatures. We tend to be driven too much by our feelings. Those who indulge themselves in bitter feelings will find forgiveness does not easily germinate in such soil. Instead, the root that springs up is a defiling influence. It is hurtful not only to the bitter person, but to many others as well (Hebrews 12:15).

Forgiveness is often frustrated by negative emotions, lingering resentment, and unquenched anger. Some imagine, wrongly, that they cannot forgive if they do not “feel” like forgiving.

But as we already noted briefly, forgiveness is not a feeling. Those who insist on being driven by passion will find forgiveness very hard indeed, because forgiveness often involves a deliberate choice that runs contrary to our feelings. Bitter emotions tell us to dwell on an offense. In contrast, forgiveness is a voluntary, rational decision to set the offense aside and desire only the best for the offender.

“But I cannot do that,” someone says. “I try to set it aside, but everywhere I go, something reminds me, and I find myself thinking about it and getting upset all over again.”

Such thoughts are temptations to sin. Brooding over an offense is no less a sin than lust or covetousness or any other heart-sin. A willful choice must be made to turn away from that kind of thinking. Instead we must deliberately cover the offense and refuse to succumb to angry and vengeful thinking, whether we feel like it or not.

Those who forgive even when it’s hard invariably find that the proper emotions will follow. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27–28)—those are all willful, deliberate, rational acts, not emotional reflexes. Obey Christ’s commands to do such things, and your anger will eventually give way to meekness, frustration will be overcome by peace, and anxiety will succumb to calm.

Forgiveness results in the lifting of many burdens. To grant someone forgiveness when he or she repents is to lift the burden of guilt from that person. But to forgive when forgiveness is unilateral and unconditional liberates the forgiver to enjoy the even greater mercies given in return by a generous heavenly Father, who promises to pour into our laps a “good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over” (Luke 6:38).

(Adapted from The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness)